The first single date is here and in an early plot twist it turns out Cass is achingly keen to be picked.
Single Date 1:
Nick’s evidently still feeling a little nervous about the whole thing so he’s invited Shannon for the first one. She’s perfect on account of her condition. She suffers from the little-known RSF (Resting Stoked Face) and will ensure Nick’s tires are sufficiently pumped without him having to do or say anything remotely amusing or impressive.
WAIT. STOP. Just a quick reminder to everyone that Nick is a professional rugby player. We know that because he’s holding a rugby ball and doesn’t drop it.
Ok so, Nick and Shan are going on a helicopter ride and wherever they’re going is irrelevant because all I care about is the shady mansion fly- by to make sure the rejected losers who weren’t picked know just how undesirable they really are.
For some stupid reason the chopper isn’t landing and instead they’re being forced to participate in some kind of reverse surf lifesaving activity where they’re dropped into the water? I’m personally annoyed they didn’t include the shots of them playing Flags with driftwood. Missed opportunity there Channel Ten.
We’re treated to our first ‘Couch in the Wild’ of the season and it’s the tasteful kind you’d find in the outdoor area of every cashed up bogan on the Gold Coast’s house – nothing inspires like the memories of blacking out on poisonous cocktails on Kuta Beach!
They go swimming and then 25 year old Shannon reassures Nick that she’s absolutely, 100%, unquestionably ready to settle down. And honestly babe, I get that. You’ve thrown yourself into the demanding Car Care Consultant career full throttle for years now and it’s time to make space for something else in your life.
Post date, Shannon is faced with a truly horrific scene. Twenty desperate chicks sitting in a room blatantly talking shit about you as you walk in. Absolutely not. I would have legged it out of there so fast.
Group Date:
The first group date of the season is a series of super tasteful photoshoots that the producers definitely didn’t plan to ensure the girls look proper stupid the whole time.
80’s Rock Band:
Cass and her Just Cuts bespoke hair extensions are in their element in this shoot. There were other girls in the shoot too but I can’t remember who they were.
Rural Firefighter Service (or something?):
Ah, a tale as old as time. Brooke, the sexy yet simple farmers daughter from the run-down property next door versus Vanessa Sunshine, the sad and butchy best chick friend who just wants Nick to see her for more than the diligent and oddly strong fire fighter she is.
School-Themed Porno Shoot Thinly Veiled as a nod to Nick’s Passion for Education:
Little known fact about Cat, but 15-year-old Cat was actually the person that Tina Fey based the entire Mean Girls script on. This whole thing gave me PTSD from the one horrific term I did at an all-girls school in Grade 10.
Yoga:
Sophie couldn’t concentrate on her Downward Dog form because she was trying not to Upward Vomit. The whole thing was very uncomfortable.
Single Date 2:
Nick takes Romy for a Sunday feed at a pizza joint his uncle owns. I thought that the producers planned and paid for all the dates on the show, but in this instance I am willing to admit I’ve been proved wrong.
Bloke makes half-hearted attempt to take a girl on a date with as little pre-planning or effort as possible, whilst spending as little money as possible and ideally participating in an activity that will help cure the hangover he definitely has – that shit is the most believable scenario ever.
Romy instigates a classic pizza making fight and Nick is into it.
Romy instigates a big dirty pash and Nick is not into it.
Mixed results for Romy today.
Cocktail Party:
Romy was excited to tell the girls all about how she and Nick definitely boned on the couch in the cellar of Nick’s uncle’s pizza joint. It was awesome, the best she and Nick have had and anyone who says it didn’t happen is just jealous.
Rose Ceremony:
There are 4 girls left and only 2 roses. The final 4 girls are Sophie and Cayla and two random people who have literally never been seen in a single shot in the past two episodes.
Sophie and Cayla stay and the two random chicks that no one knows or cares about leave.
Episode 2 ends and wraps up a very strong debut week from The Badgelor.
What are you doing to get through until next Wednesday? Me? I plan to find every fake Instragram account Cat uses to like her own pictures and bully girls anonymously.
Probably Not a Thing 